Volume 10

...not Bazz Bazzley

BINGE DRINKING SPECIAL

'hic hic hic hooray 24 hours a day'

BRITAIN GOES BINGE DRINKING BONKERS

Shocking news reaches The Boot today, apparently Britain has gone binge drinking
bonkers none of us can get enough of our favourite tipple...from morning noon until nighty- night time apparently we're all hard at it.

Booze 24

Now with the shock news that the government is going to allow us to drink even longer - all
day and all night in fact- captains of industry such as Bazz Bazzley owner and editor of The Boot - are seriously worried.
'Of course it's fantastic news for myself, nothing I like more than a good old binge but
then if everyone is going to be at it I'll never be able to get to the bloody bar...it's bound
to cause more fights and anti-social behaviour...if we're going to have longer drinking
hours then lets have longer bars, that's what The Boot will be campaigning for in the
future.' So saying the celebrated editor gathered up his 4 bottles of gutter brew
and staggered off to the gents clutching Miss Petronella Pantiesoff his new personal
assistant of Russian extraction, in an unsteady but passionate embrace.

• 
  
  BOOZE EXTRA...BOOZE EXTRA....SHOUT ALL ABOUT IT!
  Here are some great things to shout when you're sploshed in a quiet residential area at 3am.
  (Cut out and keep)
  
  OI YOU W**KERS
  YOU F***ING C**TS
  YOU WANT SOME YOU NONCE
  TAXI TAXI TAXI
  OI OI OI OI OI
  Why not cut out and keep this handy guide so you'll never be short of something shout
  about when all about you is quiet.

TIPS FROM OUR TOP TIPPLER

What to drink in the morning after a sackful of lager the night before?

How about another sackful of lager!
What to do with your liver when it starts playing up?

Go buy some onions!

What to do if you suffer from brewers droop. Go find a dray horse!

Want to piss? Can't find a convenience? Use a letter box doh!

CLOSE UP ON CAMRA

Have those campaigners for real ale got something for you when

you're next down your local in need of a skinfull? Check

out these bum busting babies and you won't sleep for a week...

• Old Fogey abv* 16.5% ...hopped to make you 'pop'
• Hurricane Ale abv 17.9% - gets you blowing like the wind(best drunk
• alone).
• Bill and Dicks's Best Bitter abv* 24.6%...dry your sheets while you
• sleep.
• Gardners Gold abv* 38.7%...it'll blow you away, best drunk sitting
• down
• * Average bottom value

THE BOOTS GUIDE TO THE BEST PUBS IN BRITAIN

Any pub with lager in it has got to be considered a good pub, however a better pub will sell both lager and beer while the best pubs will not only sell lager and beer but spirits as well, such as whisky and gin but the very best pubs ...the best pubs in the UK will now

stay open 24 hours day and that's just about all of them- so every pub is just abou the

best pub in Britain!!!